I went and saw my advisor today. I think I was hoping for him to give me the answers–tell me what to do with the rest of my life. The bureaucratic nightmare that was the posting of my transfer credits is finally over, which means I did indeed graduate this past semester. Yay, yipee, right? Not so much.
What I didn’t realize is that graduating from one degree meant picking another. When my advisor told me that I needed to pick another major, it was like he was telling me to pick the rest of my life.
“What should I choose?” I asked him.
“Well, for med school, you could go human bio or physiology or something along those lines. Most people go with human bio.”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I got my 3.5 in anatomy but, as I was sitting there studying for the final, I realized it didn’t even really matter. I didn’t even care about medicine. How am I supposed to be a doctor if, even now, as an undergraduate, I know deep down I’m only studying because getting good grades gives me a modicum of self esteem?”
It was like I had thrown him a curve ball. Hell! I threw myself one! I didn’t even realize until I said it that, even today, after everything I’ve been through during AND after high school, I have absolutely NO clue what to do with the rest of my life.
As far as my advisor goes, he asked the obvious questions after that: Well what do you want to do? What interests you?….the expected. I mean, he’s an academic advisor–that’s his job. What’s more important is that I couldn’t answer any of those. What do I WANT to do? Since when has that mattered?
I WANT to spend my days cooking and eating or writing a book full of novel and altogether fascinating concepts or creating beautiful pieces of art for the whole world to see. But, as I am constantly reminded, those things aren’t real…they’re dreams and, like every other dream of mine, they only exist when there are stars in the sky.
Not everyone can be J.K. Rowling.
I’ve been surrounded by people that have known what they wanted to do since they were in the womb. I mean, I’m indian, right? Be a doctor or an engineer…that’s what indian people do, right? That’s probably the only reason I ever even considered going to med school.
I guess, if I sat down and thought about it, I could TOLERATE being a doctor: given the many perks the job comes with (huge paycheck anyone?), I would be able to find plenty of ways to distract myself enough to make it through the next 50 years or whatever. I think some part of me keeps hoping though that, maybe, one day, I’ll actually be able to have MORE than just a distraction…I’ll be able to be happy.
I won’t have to fake it anymore.
But then the stars go away and I wake up. And I go to my anatomy class and I get my perfect grades and I come home, pet my cat and turn on the TV (or eat myself into a food coma) until it’s dark outside. Then, every night, no matter how bitter the cold is or how sodden the grass, I go outside and look for a star. Sometimes I’m lucky enough to find one through the clouds…
And then I close my eyes and make a wish– the same wish–the only wish I’ve ever had.
And then I go inside and close my eyes and wait for the rays of the sun to burn through my dreams once again.
Sadly, Michigan winters beautiful pictures do not make
Chatpata Quinoa and Soybean Cutlets
makes 16 patties
- 1.25 c. cooked edamame (measured after cooking)
- 1.5 c. cooked quinoa (measured after cooking)
- 1/4c. wheat bran (feel free to sub with oat bran or other floury stuff of choice)
- about 1/2c.-1c. frozen 3 pepper and onion blend
- 1-2 tsp. minced garlic
- 3/4 large egg (or equivalent egg substitute)
- juice of 1/2 a small lemon (I used a new breed of lemon my mom sent me called Meyer lemons)
- salt and pepper to taste
- chat masala (a spice available at most ethnic food stores)
→Process the edamame in a food processor/blender (or just mash it by hand) until it looks like this:
Then, mix in the quinoa and the wheat bran.
Spray a medium to large size pan with cooking spray (or use oil if you’re not calorie-phobic) and saute the 3 pepper/onion blend with the garlic until onions are lightly browned and garlic is fragrant. Process this in the food processor/blender until it looks like this:
3 pepper and onion blend
Then, add it to the quinoa/edamame mixture, followed by the egg, the lemon juice and the salt/pepper.
Now would probably be a good time to fire up the oven/toaster oven to 395* F. (Why 395? I thought it was set to 400* but realized later that it actually said 395. I doubt it matters though.)
Spray a foil-lined baking pan with nonstick spray (or oil it).
Form the mixture into patties and bake for 20-30 min, flipping patties over half way and rotating the pan. (I stayed in the kitchen after about 15 minutes had passed and started checking them every 5 minutes or so. Some heat was probably lost during this process).
When patties are lightly browned on both sides, take them out of the oven, top them with a liberal helping of chat masala (to taste) and serve with some sweetened yogurt (or, if you have it, mango chutney + yogurt would be even better).
Do dishes and wash pan.
My lovely taste tester, Emma, who found the patties quite delicious